SoFar Sounds STL Performance
So I wanted to highlight this particular performance because it pretty much served as a coming of age moment, in a sense, for me as a musician. I've been performing for a long time but primarily within groups of other artists. So being in the forefront is something I am still getting used to.
I would say that this was probably my biggest performance to date as an individual artist. Not only was I sharing the bill with one of STL's legends Blvck Spade but I was also coming into the space knowing that the performance would be filmed and shared with SoFar's global audience at some point. Safe to say the days leading up to this performance were a little nerve wracking. Just the thought of a camera filming me in the past would have had my throat closed from anxiety and stifled breathing. But I had made it up in my mind that I was going to show up and put on the best performance I possibly could no matter what.
Supporting me on stage that evening was my Lyrical Therapy family KONG and Novaya. We had arranged a unique performance that we knew we were just about to come in that room and give them folks the business. Blvck Spade opens the event and now it's time for us to get ready for our set. As we begin to setup, we realize that we've left behind the equipment that we were going to run the performance tracks through. So now we're scrambling 5 minutes before show time contemplating how to rearrange everything. Not to mention as we are testing the guitar in the house system we find that it is not picking up too well and that would more than likely be the case for the entire performance.
So there's slight panic but also something inside telling me to stay calm and roll with it because I did not want my worries to get the best of me as they've done before. And I refused to leave that space disappointed by the effort I put into that moment. The performance begins and boom.. we in there. KONG is beatboxing to put a pulse in the room. Novaya is on keys and guitar playing ever so sweet. And I'm front and center hoping to orchestrate a moment for everyone else in the room that leaves them and myself satisfied.
You know I forgot words all up and through the set. Had a few botched notes here and there. And even broke out into a light sermon in the middle of the show because I had lost my place and was attempting to find my way back home. Everything that could have possibly went wrong did and yet when we got to the end of our time I did not feel defeated. We powered through and ultimately still put on a great show. Even if it was not everything I wanted it to be. Maybe there was too much pressure that I had placed on myself. Maybe all those things went wrong because they were not required to simply connect with others through music. Which is all I've ever intended to do.
Before the show, I had vowed to myself that this performance would serve as the night I would begin to no longer hold back. Despite my fears and journey thus far, this would be the beginning of a path of certainty. After my set had ended I was embraced in love by groups of people who had just been sincerely positively affected by my art in a way that I had hoped for. This realization brought me to ugly tears as I confirmed within myself that I was on the right path. Even if it isn't as pretty and clean as I would like it to be sometimes. Reflecting on the fact that this particular walk was decided upon before I could even remember. I find joy in that I have not given up on myself or my purpose and I am grateful for the grace that is consistently present in my life to assist me in not doing so.