Just Get Started.
So. I kid you not. It's close to 3am in the morning and I am dog tired. I'm hungry and fighting the urge to go to Rally's but here we are. Pushing myself to write this prompt because the only reason I'm up this late is because I was procrastinating in doing so. What's ironic is that this same prompt will literally be a push against doing that very thing.
Anyways. As I thought to myself about what I wanted the first few entries of my blog to cover I received the bright idea of writing about simply starting. As someone who has had a real cozy relationship with anxiety and doubt and having the tendency to be perpetually idealistic. Starting things in the past in regards to myself have definitely been a challenge. Fighting to breathe while having a regular conversation with someone is hard enough. Choosing to experience this life as an artist has been a tall task. However, seeing as though there is nothing else I'd rather do with my life other than create. I find that everyday I can strengthen myself against the things that attempt to make me weak by continuing to do what I love.
I've been peeling back all of the layers and taking a good look inside to see just what's going on. I've known I wanted to be an artist since I was a child so operating in fear in regards to such always messed me up a bit. Whether that has been having near anxiety attacks before a public singing performance or sharing my writing. It has always seemed like a mountain to climb. As of late, life has forced me to look at myself in ways I have never done before. Having to come to the realization that the emotional and mental trauma I've experienced as a child was affecting my adulthood has been a process. Letting go of the weight of those things and the habits I've created in response to such has been a process. Learning to love myself fully and being committed to that love has been a process but one that I am grateful for.
I'm realizing that there is victory in just beginning the process. To healing. To becoming a better artist. To becoming a better person. Far too long I had my heart and mind wrapped up in things that sought to keep them contained but I'm in the season of no more. As I've begun to pour into myself more and more I see things unraveling in ways that I could have never imagined. Yet my purpose has always been present. My gifts have always been present. I just had to be present as well. So I encourage anyone who is ready to begin a process in their life to get out of their own way and to just get started.